The worst five words I had ever heard, said to me on November 1, 2012. Worse for me than “you have breast cancer”. But here I am six years later and the entire experience seems like a blip on the radar. Sure as I write this, and I allow my thoughts and emotions to go back to to that dreadful, devastating day and time tears have welled in my eyes. I wouldn’t wish that news on anyone. But I can honestly say now I don’t really even think about it. Even daily when I look at myself while I am getting dressed or undressed, adjusting my bra, etc., I feel nothing…..no physical or emotional pain, no regrets, no sadness, no anger. I just look how I look. I am who I am.
Six years ago today I heard those devastating words.
Today I am in Boston for the purpose and sheer enjoyment of attending a Celtics game. Yes, I am a huge NBA fan. I flew all the way from California just to attend a game. Why? Because I can. Because fortunately for me six years later I continue to be cancer free and healthy. I feel great. I write this not with the intention of sounding flippant. I write this with the intent of sharing hope. That there can be light at the end of the tunnel. I guess in my own way, I have a happy ending.
Am I grateful I had cancer? No. I wish it had never happened. Am I happy I had my favorite body part amputated? No. I’d take my real breast back in a heartbeat. Cancer did not change my life for the better in anyway. I didn’t learn any lessons from it. I didn’t make any changes to my life because of it. I wish I had never had cancer and wish I never had to have a mastectomy. But cancer did happen and I did have a mastectomy. That’s my reality. And I choose to focus on the positive. I’m cancer free. I had fantastic surgeons. And I’m really happy I had the reconstruction that I did.
Four words said to me at 3:15pm October 30, 2012 at Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach. DEVASTATING!
Today, five years later I am cancer free, healthy, and in Las Vegas celebrating. Why did I come to Vegas? Because I can. I’m so grateful that today is a good day and I have the health and liberty to do as I please. I hope I never have to repeat that fateful day five years ago. My heart goes out to all the women and men who have and will hear those same four awful words.
So with the intent of offering hope to others, I am a success story. I’m not grateful I had cancer, I wish it never happened. I wish I had my real breast back, I really liked it. But cancer did happen to me, and I did have a single mastectomy. I am living proof that five years after a breast cancer diagnosis, one can not only survive but can thrive as well. I feel fantastic and can rock a fitted tee in Vegas better than most. #breastreconstruction
Words said to me on October 30, 2012. Devastation.
Today I am healthy and happy. Just another random day. Sunday. Had lunch with my mom, got a massage, went hiking at Top of the World in Laguna Beach:
If you had told me four years ago today that this is what I would be doing four years later, I would have said you are craaaazy. I was so angry, so sad, so devastated. In shock.
To quote the hot, sexy man I’m dating: “No one can predict the future.”
December 2012 I had a mastectomy. Drains came out on December 24th. I spent Christmas day by myself, still recovering. I was weak, my range of motion very limited, alone and lonely. A low point.
Two years later I had a wonderful Christmas Day! Woke up early, met a friend for a 4.5 mile walk at Top of the World in Laguna Beach. Then we went down into town and I had the best omelette ever! All the while wearing my favorite low cut, just the right amount of too tight tank top. My bosom looked fantastic. But equally important, I have never felt better, physically, mentally or emotionally. I didn’t even think about breast cancer or a mastectomy. It was just a great, routine, “normal” Christmas Day. I’m so grateful.
Until next year Santa……